Fun Edition – A brutally honest field guide to many of the personalities you will find on any given  detail.

Let’s start with a disclaimer: This is all in good fun and mostly a light-hearted educational effort (…mostly). If you see yourself in one of these, take it as a chance to laugh, learn, and maybe reflect. Don’t worry, we’ve all been at least one of these at some point. Growth starts with self-awareness… and hopefully,  fewer mirror selfies.

1. The Tacticool Operator – Full MOLLE vest at a low-threat breakfast. Looks like he’s about to breach a compound to grab the client’s latte. Brings more gear than a Memorial Day sale at Palmetto State Armory.

2. The “I Know It All” – Claims he’s protected royalty, billionaires, and probably worked with a three letters agency. He/she won’t take ANY feedback but will gladly give you a TED Talk on unnecessary subjects you didn’t ask to know about.

3. The Shadow Ninja – Ghosts the second things get real, and s***t hits the fan. No one’s seen him since call time, but he swears he’s maintaining overwatch. Last seen ‘monitoring from a distance’, usually from the hotel buffet.

4. The Bully – Confuses intimidation with work competence. Yells at hotel staff. Threatens the valet. Bullies his teammates.

5. The Instructor – Treats every shift like a live seminar, whether you asked or not. Will gladly debrief you on your shoelace technique and critique your placement of your lapel pin.

6. The Gearhead – Shows up looking like a tactical vending machine. 19 gadgets, 4 flashlights with zero clue how to use anything. But hey, his gear costs more than your monthly rent. (Literally rattles as he walks down the quiet venue hallway with the principal.)

7. The Look-At-Me Suit – Carries himself like a runway model, impeccably tailored, hair shellacked to perfection, gleaming cufflinks, and a tie pin that’s seen more action than he has. Looks sharp, moves slow, and folds faster than a lawn chair at the first sign of trouble.

8. The Ghost of Contracts Past – Hasn’t worked a detail since flip phones were standard issue but claims to have protected everyone from the Pope to Elon Musk. No current gigs, just an endless loop of war stories, name-drops, and “you had to be there” moments.

9. The Quiet Pro – Calm, prepared, and drama-free. Doesn’t post, doesn’t brag, just shows up early, stays squared away, and handles business. He rarely speaks, but somehow always knows what’s coming. Never says a word, but you know he’s the one keeping things together. (Quite often has more experience than the whole team put together but sees no reason to bring it up or discuss it.)

10. The Client’s New Best Friend – More commonly known as the “BuddyGuard”. Desperate to be noticed by the client. Overshares personal stories. Laughs way too hard at the client’s jokes. Always standing just a little too close. Probably gets replaced after one trip. Always very quick to tell everyone how he and the principal have a “close knit relationship.”

11. The Rooftop Ninja Paranoid – Certain the next threat is coming from a rooftop sniper, a flower pot, or that sweet old lady with the purse. Scans every vent and pigeon like it’s housing a tactical assault team. Lives in a permanent state of Code Red, with zero chill. Pure cortisol, no calm whatsoever.

12. The LinkedIn Warrior – Online, he’s a tactical genius with elite leadership skills. On the ground? He panics when the elevator skips a floor. His resume’s impressive…too bad reality didn’t get the memo.

13. The Angry One – Everything was better “back in the day.” Finds fault with everything and everyone, especially if they’re breathing. Hates the client, the team, the hotel coffee, and probably the very concept of happiness and life itself.

14. The Philosopher – Talks more about ego death and quantum consciousness than safety zones and exits. Probably carries a worn-out copy of The Art of War and refers to threats as “energetic imbalances”.

15. The Codebook Guy – He is the human rulebook. Carries a laminated handbook like it’s a sacred text and quotes protocol like scripture. Has a meltdown if someone takes initiative without a written directive and a three-signature chain of command. Remember the yellow footprints in boot camp? This is the guy…

16. The Influencer – Formerly known as the Selfie Soldier 2.0. Every detail is a photo shoot and bragging opportunity. Can’t walk past a mirror without a tactical selfie. Hotel bathroom? Perfect for a photoshoot. Motorcade reflection? Even better. More focused on building their following than protecting the principal.

17. The Drama Queen – Complains about the hours, the post, the hotel pillow, and the client’s attitude, usually before their shift even starts, while they’re eating breakfast in a 3 Star Michelin restaurant. Thrives on tension and somehow turns every shift into a soap opera. If there’s peace on the team, give it 10 minutes… they’ll fix that.

18. The Certification Addict – Alphabet soup after their name and has more certificates than field hours. Proud graduate of every tactical, medical, and underwater knife-fighting course on the planet… but still can’t plan a basic advance or read a site map without getting lost.

19. The Gear Floater – Shows up empty-handed like it’s his first day…every day. No earpiece, no radio, no flashlight… somehow, no tie either. Treats the team like a mobile supply depot and still acts like he’s doing you a favor.

20. The Diplomat – He’s “Switzerland”, neutral, polite, and too nice to say no. Bends over backward to avoid conflict, says yes to everything, and somehow ends up overworked, overlooked, and underappreciated.

21. The Overcompensator – Short guy, big ego, bigger sunglasses. Talks like a tier-one operator, moves like a traffic cone. Folds the moment things get loud and real.

22. The Chronically Late Guy – Always “five minutes out”, even when the shift started an hour ago. Blames traffic, GPS, the rotation of the Earth, anything but himself. Shows up mid-shift with a coffee in hand and zero shame.

23. The Gym Bro – Lifts for three hours before call time, then passes out in the follow car. Protein shaker rattling like a maraca, sleeves one size too small hanging on for dear life, and zero clue where the principal is.

24. The One Assignment Wonder – Did one detail six years ago and hasn’t stopped talking about it since. Drops acronyms like candy, name drops vaguely. You’d think he ran a presidential motorcade, but it turns out it was a mall opening.

25. The One with “No Filter” – Says the quiet part out loud… and plenty no one ever wanted to hear. Awkward jokes, offhand comments, and zero reading of the room. Has made at least one client, staff member, and hotel manager deeply uncomfortable…before lunch.

BONUS TYPE: The Self-Promoter – Wears branded merch on every detail. Business cards in the glove box. Turns casual conversation into a sales pitch.

At the end of the day, this list is a humorous take on real-world behaviors we all encounter in the field. Recognizing these behaviors, whether in ourselves or in others, is not about assigning blame, but about promoting self-awareness and professional growth. Executive protection is a high-stakes environment where attitude, adaptability, and accountability matter as much as any other kind of skill. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress. Let’s all of us aim to be the type of professional others want on their team. And remember… A little humor along the way doesn’t hurt.

Did we miss a type? Share your experiences in the comments, and let’s be honest, we’ve all played one of these roles at some point in our careers.

#ExecutiveProtection #CloseProtection #SecurityProfessionals #BodyguardLife #ProtectiveDetails #EPCommunity #SecurityTraining #SecurityIndustryHumor #FieldNotesFromTheDetail #RealEPStories